Don't eat my dog!

   In my hood everyone has a burglary system. No, not the kind that puts some sort of magnetic force field around your house. Our home invasion security might be an AK-47 highly dependent upon the laws of said state. The other is always a fucking dog. Peta is giving me shit right now for using such a demeaning tone towards dogs. My sister made a mistake in owning a Yorkie named Haley. Not because she owns a small bitch ass dog, but because she blatantly ignored the cardinal rule to ghetto dwelling. She knows damn well she should have gotten a pit bull. Every ghetto the world over has a pit bull or hyena as a mainstay for home defense.
  There is nothing endearing about Haley. NOTHING. All she does is prance around all day with her head held high and her anus in the air. She knows her shit stinks and she doesn't give a single fuck because she's cute. After having being reprimanded a few times for shitting in a restricted area, most dogs feel remorseful. Not Haley. She will hunch her back, stare you in the eyes and take a shit in the living room.
   One would think that I would revel in the thought of Haley and her purple dog shirt being "accidentally" ran over  by the world largest construction vehicle. Contrarily, I don't wish death upon Haley because she costed a lot a money. Wait, the last statement made me sound like a slave owner from biblical times or from just over 100 years ago, but that is beside the point. If a human being decided to take an unblinking shit in the middle of my living room he deserves to be beat to the front porch of death but he doesn't deserve to die! And neither do dogs.
   I watched a documentary on Netflix about dogs. I was watching a documentary about dogs because Netflix never has movies that normal people watch. Anyway,  National Geography explored how humans have genetically engineered dogs throughout history to be their current docile selves. I kept wondering if scientist could engineer a dog that instinctively knows to use the toilet like a regular fucking human being! So, after feeling a false sense of optimism and a new found love for dogs I decided to bond with Haley by taking her for a walk.
   The obvious advantage of walking a mouse, I mean dog is chicks dig cute dogs. There's something about a six foot, two hundred pound man juxtaposed with a small ass dog that says caring. To a ghetto denizen it might say bitch nigga or  bourgeois. I normally say what the fuck.  As Haley walked me around the hood, I noticed that she began to walk more like a dog afraid of being beaten by her owner/master. Then it dawned on me that every house on the street has a pit bull!" It was as if Haley was fresh meat in the penal system. They were going to kill her. She is a dog that scoffs at male dogs with the mange. She didn't have a choice though she was probably going to be fucked.
   If you ever find yourself lost in the ghetto and the street has no outlet turn around at the third house before the last. This is undoubtedly the house where your sister's dog is almost eaten. I was fooled by the house because it had a Chihuahua in the front yard, no Mexican brethren and no Taco Bell. As I made my way towards the house I noticed the fence had a hole in it. More importantly, I noticed a pit bull coming through the hole after Haley. I yanked Haley by the leash like only a master can and then she escaped it in midair. FUCK!!! Haley was too fast for the pit bull but I wasn't so the dog came back for me. I looked at him and said you don't want these problems with all the sternness I had left in my being. Luckily he didn't attack because those words were all I had against a pit bull that came to my shoulder when standing on its hinds leg.  Anyway, I now threaten Haley with being eaten by a pack of pit bulls every time she takes a pebble like shit.
  P.S. Screw you if you thought this was going to be about East Asians eating dog meat!