I Don't Give A FUCK!!!!

  Last Saturday night I was sitting in a bar that was far too loud and unruly to request my signature double shot of Jack Daniels on the rocks. I found myself sitting at a crammed table with a friend and seven other people I didn't know. My unfamiliarity with the group, coupled with music that was dope six years ago, made the sea between us the Pacific.  Somebody needed to throw me a life jacket by starting a conversation.

  This kid seated to my right yelled something in my ear. I couldn't hear him. His inaudible loudness simply made me want to slap the shit outta him. But I didn't because people still are inclined to judge a book by its cover. When my ears recovered, he repeated and said that he and his two other buddies were gay. His buddy objected from across the table and over the music. With a dumb ass look on my face, I replied,O...K. He returned with "is that OK?".

  I thought to myself, since when do people break the ice by asking if one's sexual orientation is OK with me. That is like asking if it is cool that I'm black once I've already entered your presence. Dude, of course it is fine because it is who you are. It's not like I can stop being a black person. "Oh, so it's not cool that I'm black? Well, I have a switch on my back, so feel free to turn it off." In keeping with the meme, Not A Single fuck Was Given.
 
  Dear Guy sitting next to me in that loud ass bar,
Don't make any attempt to defiend who you are. Thank you and you're welcome!
The Council
 
 

Girl in Elevator

Imagine being in the last car with a woman. You look at her in passing and think, "Damn, look at those titties!" or "I hope she doesn't get off at the same stop as me." Then she does. It doesn't help that it's night. The thought in passing becomes a real concern when the lone woman on the subway car takes your exact exit. You try to assure yourself that she is going in a different direction but you quickly realize she isn't.
Part of you wants to speed by her so that she knows you're not trying to follow her. Yet, if you try this maneuver you run the risk of her pepper spraying your ass. Because walking briskly can be seen as a sign of aggression under the cover of night. If you stay behind her you still look suspicious. So you pray to a god that you don't believe in that she doesn't live in your building...
Wrong again because she does live in your building! She noticed you from the subway ride and by now is giving you the kind of face that says "fuck with me if you wanna see me on my cycle times ten!" You forsake being a gentlemen by getting on first to give her the subtle social cue that you are not following her nor do you give a fuck about chivalry. But by this point, no matter what you do in her mind you are following her! What are the odds?!
You hit the button for the floor you live on saying under your breathe "bitch better not live on my floor!" You wonder if you said bitch aloud or in your mind. Your relief turns to dread when you realize that she is getting off the elevator before you and the pepper spray is ready. You know, just in case you wanna see her on her cycle times ten.
On a walk home from the subway you've lusted after her breast, been afraid of her and was so angry that you called her a bitch! I understand why women are cautious but I wish the world was different.
Man problems....contrary to popular belief they're bigger than "not getting pussy."