The (official) Website of Alex Clermont

The (official) Website of Alex Clermont
Check my man out! Met a while back and he is a really cool guy!

Don't eat my dog!

   In my hood everyone has a burglary system. No, not the kind that puts some sort of magnetic force field around your house. Our home invasion security might be an AK-47 highly dependent upon the laws of said state. The other is always a fucking dog. Peta is giving me shit right now for using such a demeaning tone towards dogs. My sister made a mistake in owning a Yorkie named Haley. Not because she owns a small bitch ass dog, but because she blatantly ignored the cardinal rule to ghetto dwelling. She knows damn well she should have gotten a pit bull. Every ghetto the world over has a pit bull or hyena as a mainstay for home defense.
  There is nothing endearing about Haley. NOTHING. All she does is prance around all day with her head held high and her anus in the air. She knows her shit stinks and she doesn't give a single fuck because she's cute. After having being reprimanded a few times for shitting in a restricted area, most dogs feel remorseful. Not Haley. She will hunch her back, stare you in the eyes and take a shit in the living room.
   One would think that I would revel in the thought of Haley and her purple dog shirt being "accidentally" ran over  by the world largest construction vehicle. Contrarily, I don't wish death upon Haley because she costed a lot a money. Wait, the last statement made me sound like a slave owner from biblical times or from just over 100 years ago, but that is beside the point. If a human being decided to take an unblinking shit in the middle of my living room he deserves to be beat to the front porch of death but he doesn't deserve to die! And neither do dogs.
   I watched a documentary on Netflix about dogs. I was watching a documentary about dogs because Netflix never has movies that normal people watch. Anyway,  National Geography explored how humans have genetically engineered dogs throughout history to be their current docile selves. I kept wondering if scientist could engineer a dog that instinctively knows to use the toilet like a regular fucking human being! So, after feeling a false sense of optimism and a new found love for dogs I decided to bond with Haley by taking her for a walk.
   The obvious advantage of walking a mouse, I mean dog is chicks dig cute dogs. There's something about a six foot, two hundred pound man juxtaposed with a small ass dog that says caring. To a ghetto denizen it might say bitch nigga or  bourgeois. I normally say what the fuck.  As Haley walked me around the hood, I noticed that she began to walk more like a dog afraid of being beaten by her owner/master. Then it dawned on me that every house on the street has a pit bull!" It was as if Haley was fresh meat in the penal system. They were going to kill her. She is a dog that scoffs at male dogs with the mange. She didn't have a choice though she was probably going to be fucked.
   If you ever find yourself lost in the ghetto and the street has no outlet turn around at the third house before the last. This is undoubtedly the house where your sister's dog is almost eaten. I was fooled by the house because it had a Chihuahua in the front yard, no Mexican brethren and no Taco Bell. As I made my way towards the house I noticed the fence had a hole in it. More importantly, I noticed a pit bull coming through the hole after Haley. I yanked Haley by the leash like only a master can and then she escaped it in midair. FUCK!!! Haley was too fast for the pit bull but I wasn't so the dog came back for me. I looked at him and said you don't want these problems with all the sternness I had left in my being. Luckily he didn't attack because those words were all I had against a pit bull that came to my shoulder when standing on its hinds leg.  Anyway, I now threaten Haley with being eaten by a pack of pit bulls every time she takes a pebble like shit.
  P.S. Screw you if you thought this was going to be about East Asians eating dog meat!

Santa Claus is a pimp with a .38 special

If my dad’s dad dropped dead I would feel a generic kind of sorrow. Fuck you, don't judge me. Hell, I’m willing to bet my dad shares my sentiment.  The opening four words of this blog should be an indicator of how insignificant he is in my life.  If I were to feel any sorrow it would be for my dad, who would have no living parent. So when my dad asked me to visit his dad with him I replied “is he still alive?” 

Of course, my response was a mental one. But really was he? I had been under the impression that my dad’s dad was dead to him and that my dad had giving him a proper burial deep within the crevices of his mind. Over the years, somehow my dad developed a heart and I found myself traveling through Texas heat that rivaled hell's lobby, to see ole grand dad!

From the onset, I figured my “grandfather” (ok I know it’s bad) is a creature of habit. His current wife is named Dorothy like my dad’s mom. Apparently he has a fetish for women named Dorothy. I gave her a half hearted hug which probably communicated “you're the impostor grandma Dorothy. You’re not my granny!” Then it was on to acknowledge the reason I was here. I mean the reason why I’m here is apparent. Grandpa had sex with the real grandma Dorothy and then had dad. Then dad had sex with...ew! The reason I was standing in my grandpa’s living room embracing him with a hug you would give to a peripheral friend was unclear. 

Dr. Spencer Wells does work on tracking the movement of the human population through DNA samples from around the world. Wells (or scientist) has found that the Y chromosome goes unchanged from father to son. Looking at my grandfather I realized that.

1. He looks exactly like my father.
2. He looks exactly like my brothers and me.
3. He looks like my nephews.
4. I’m gonna look like a black Santa Claus when I become an old man.

The way he walks and talks is similar as well. I mean jeez, out of my 30 years on this fucked up planet (what? it's not fucked up?) I’ve seen this guy maybe three times that I can remember. I find it fascinating and I wonder, can personality traits be passed along genetically as well?

 
Anyway, my grandfather disappeared and reappeared in the living room. Wasn’t magic he just walked from the living room to some other room then back. When he came back he was holding a Crown Royal bag.The only bag a black Saint Nick would have. In a not so perfect world there would be Crown Royal, condoms or a frat boy’s dick inside the bag. The frat boy would be attached of course. Depending on one’s frame of reference we weren’t lucky enough to have any of those. It was a family heirloom of sorts. He was passing down a 38 special he had received from his brother before he died and now grandpa was giving it to my dad. 

 
The look on my dad's and my face was a unanimous “what the fuck kinda heirloom is this?”  I don’t know but I have this strange suspicion that this isn’t the kind thing that gets  passed through the generations. I’m just saying. I mean damn grandpa, people give rings, charms and trinkets. Hell, some people even passed down an entire fortune. You passed down a gun that has probably shot a rival pimp because somebody’s hoe chose. Even though I just imagined a scenario that is wholly untrue, it is possible. Thanks grandpa, you reappear into my life and you give me a gun. You’re swell! Love you! Yeah the sarcasm is thick. On a lighter note, if this Y chromosome shit is true he probably has a decent size dick. Thanks grandpa! 

Singpore is under a dictator?

A Better Dictator - By Joshua E. Keating | Foreign Policy
I wasn't privy to this idea that Singapore is a dictatorship. I have a strange feeling that I somehow misread the article. It reminds me of a "documentary" that I saw about Cuba. Documentary is in quotes because it seemed more like porn. Instead of showing the audience what it's like being a prostitute in Cuba, he ended up fucking Cubans (seriously check it out). Not really sure what the previous link had to do with anything but in keeping with dictators and Cuba, Current TV had cool documentary about Cuba and revolution. Yeah, um I not sure if I should refer to a documentary about Cuba as cool.

Lost the Cup

Social Experiment #1

People of Color/POC

  One dynamic that people of color share (that includes people that are not ethnically European) is the tendency to collectively embrace a member of a particular ethnic group's accomplishments.  Contrary to popular belief, I didn't celebrate the inauguration of Barack Obama with chicken, beer, and watermelon. I celebrated it with chicken, watermelon and mascato wine. In the U.S. ethnic affiliation is necessary simply because people of color (POC) are the minority. Living vicariously through a member of a respective ethnic group gives POC a chance to see themselves in a positive light.

  There are also moment when POC excommunicate members of their respective ethnicity. I have, on numerous occasions, try to excommunicate Flava Flav, the D.C. sniper and Cliff Huxatable. The reason why? People know that society judges them by what they see in the media not by what the reality is. So instead of looking society in the eye and giving them a proverbial middle finger, we apologize to let society know “we are not all like that.” 

  In Korea, I often wonder what do people think of foreigners. Because of my sometimes unsavory experiences with Korean nationals, I’m more concerned with how Korean society views black people. I often wonder what Korean Nationals teach their children about race considering they live in a homogeneous society.  Do they look at black people as a group or as individuals? 

  This is part of a social experiment. I want to know from Korean people what you think of foreigners, mainly of African descent or dark skinned people. I also would like to know why Korean principals are reluctant to hire these same people as teachers (it probably has something to do with my grammatical errors).  From foreigners, I want to know how do you think you are perceived in Korean Culture and how do you perceive it.