Testicles: I wanna have kids...someday.

Ready for some speed bag action?

   Over the past few years, I've  had a steady dosage of being punched in the nuts. It's a wonder that my testicles are not completely mangled by now. The last time I checked (in the shower this morning) one still  hung lower than the other. In my adolescent years I was convinced that something was wrong with me until the sex ed teacher told us that its normal for one nut to hang a little low.
   I must make a confession. I haven't been very good to my identical twins. They have taken repeated beat downs over the past few years. I say to them, during masturbation (or sex...well not during sex they get kinda neglected except on my birthday) "just one more year and we will stop teaching kindergarten." And every year they stick or hang rather, with me. I don't know why they do BUT maybe it has something to do with them being attached.
   Someday I wanna have children of my own. The key word here is someday. Then I think about my own kids punching me in the nuts on accident or on purpose. The thought of that causes my testicles to shrivel up to the point where it looks like I have a giant clitoris. My students seem to have heat syncing accuracy when it comes to my balls. It is my belief that they take great pleasure in seeing me double over in pain. The pain seems to take over my torso and paralyzes me leaving only my vocal chords yelling incoherent curses upon their parents.
  So today will be the last day that I shall endure my testicles being a speed bag for five year olds training to become the next boxing champion of the world. I haven't been punched today but for old time sake, I will double over pain knowing it will be the last time. Well, until I have my own kids. FUCK!
UPDATE: So I didn't get punched in the nuts but my penis was punched a few times. I hope this doesn't sound perverted.

ONLY BLACK GOOD...you see dese rocks

Shake my hand like a man!Stop saying "yo, man!" 

   All I heard in Korean were the words: only, black and good.  In this sequence, the words appear to be in my favor in a kind of reverse racial preference. Hell, I'm the last person people want to hire. In Korea I'm near the bottom of the racial hierarchy with only ethnic Koreans from other countries and people blacker than my black ass below me. Even though I didn't understand the entire sentence, my suspicions were confirmed by the beet red uneasiness on the translator's face.

   So to give her an out and to relieve some of the redness from her face I translated what was said. "Oh, so he said...I'm the first black person he has ever hired so let's make this a good experience." The translator sunk lower into her seat and nervously laughed in true Korean national fashion (when shit gets uncomfortable).  Two things went on in my mind. What did he mean by his statement? Should I have taken it for face value or should I keep it real with this mutha fucka and tell him to judge me as a person and not what you've been told about me. I mean hell if I went on what I saw in the media about Korean proprietors in black and latino neighborhoods...wait scratch that. If I went on what I saw from Korean store owners in my neighborhood, I would hate all you mutha fuckas. Until I came to Korea and realized, oh shit, they aren't just racist but following you around until you buy something is actually part of the social fabric.

So did you decide?

   Almost every day I want Korean nationals to "see dese rocks." The stares, the snickers, the blatant disregard when I speak to them in Korean. I now know how Mexicans immigrants feel minus almost being denied basic necessities like running water or a working toilet. But that is only a minor difference or big, depending on one's perspective. Oh the sarcasm! I would love to keep it real when a Korean person looks at my fine ass Korean Canadian girlfriend and wonder what the hell is she doing with my black ass. Actually, I'm wondering the same thing but that is beside the point.

   The point if there ever was one is this: I just really wanted to cock back my rocks (Rocks being my testicles or fists you decide) and smash his face. But for what? So that I can get deported, when all I have to do is show him through my actions that I am first a human being and not some "over sensitive" black person. Now see those rocks!