One of the most terrifying situations a young person can find themselves in, is their first sexual encounter. Because you're not exactly sure what goes where. Reminiscing on my the early days of my porn appreciation, which probably started when I was 12, I couldn't understand the concept of the missionary position. I couldn't fathom how it actually worked. Doggy style, girl on top and Beyonce's surfboard were all easy concepts to understand. From my 12 year old mind and from practicing on my pillow (no pillows were harm in my scientific experiment), I thought, "my 12 year old cock is way too short for missionary."
My first sexual encounter (actual intercourse) was prom night, I was 18 years old and full of Zima wine coolers. I was tipsy. Maybe the operative word should be drunk. From...Zima...wine...coolers. Insert facepalm to my 18 year old self. Anyway, someone's parents decided that it was cool for a group of teenage kids to come to their house and chill after prom was over. Maybe it was apparent that his daughter had the hots for a young negro but I definitely was the only male in the house that got the "DON'T FUCK WITH MY DAUGHTER BECAUSE I GOT A SHOTGUN" speech. Or because by this point I was the only guy remaining in his house. That is beyond the point.
Somehow we outlasted her parents. She put a condom in my hand and I followed her to the room. I was scared as fuck son! I think that I might have lied on my dick and told her that I'd had sex before. But I hadn't. And all I could think about was "please, sweet baby jesus, don't let me come fast and NO MISSIONARY! Amen and Amen." My skepticism about an all powerful god that watches over all of us began on that late night, early morning in April. The very thing I asked not to recieve I recieved it. FUCK!
What I found was that my 18 year old penis had grown long enough to partake in some love on top aka missionary. I also found that the missionary position is a very weird position because you feel naked. Not the physically naked but a sort of vulnerability. This being my first time I wasn't really sure where to put my eyes. Should I look at her breast? Should I look down at the disappearing act that my penis did every time I entered her (not really sure if I should use the word entered)? That night was literally a sensory overload. I was scared but it felt good. It was the first time having sex and and the first time I was forced to look into someone else's eyes. I would later learn that the eyes tell a fascinating story. The eyebrows help tell that story as well. Because it's kinda hard to tell a person's expression if they don't have any eyebrows.
You would think that 18 year old me would be more petrified of not performing like a porn star. To be fair that scared me as well. Not being big enough also scared me but looking into someone's eyes was I don't know...awkwardly good? Looking into someone's eyes can be intensely enjoyable as a 31 year old man. Now, I don't look away because I hope my eyes tell you something that I might be unwilling to divulge. I hope my eyes are inviting.
