Cooking at Somos

Cooking at Somos

Part Time Cooks at Somos

  Have you ever been to a hip hop show where they served the audience milk and cookies? Well established rappers are not serving you food no matter how much money you spent on tickets to see them. Shit you’re not getting gum let alone a tasty snack while you throw your mutha fuckin hands in the air. The collective known as Part Time Cooks are not only superb lyricists but they are mind readers. They know what makes the audience vibe and that you really want to partake in a childhood delicacy like milk and cookies.

Not only am I dry snitching, i'm lat on this blog!

  Despite the fact that I’m dry snitching on myself, I was happy to finally put my boy Zach onto something hella dope.  Because Zach by the way, is like a walking encyclopedia on shit that you should be and will be listening to. It’s like showing a god how to make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. “ Oh, you ain't up peanut butter and jelly? Let me put you on game you all powerful being.” 

  

  There are a lot of Korean nationals that fancy I look like a famous black man. Obama (I’m not nearly as good looking), Usher (if only I had a hit like Yeah) and Black Moss. To be perfectly honest we do kinda look similar. I mean we both are around the same height. We both have little to no hair and we both have massive beards. One can only imagine how many people before and after the show were coming up to me like, dude you were so dope! I died a little bit inside because I couldn’t take the credit for being an excellent rhyme smith.

  

  The thing that stood out to me was how in sync the part time cooks were. They each owned their roles. Similar to a big three in basketball. They each could be LeBron or Wade or Bosh when need be. Not one of them overstepped their boundary. Even when Saul Goode, the shortest out of the group is standing on a chair leading the audience into a smooth melodic tune. Which leads us to their single No Where But Up. 

  

  The melody is so good I would love to have sex to it. I’m not even sure if people still have sex to music. Someone on twitter said no one does. The problem is I was raised on hip hop and my ear is tuned into listening to lyrics. I can’t help it! What I look like hitting it doggy style and singing every syllable to Black Moss or Saul’s verse. I would climax while singing Joe Rollins hook “But I’m so dooownnnnn.” But it would be in the literal sense because in fact I came. Indeed I have related Part Time Cooks to sex. But not any kind a sex. Beautiful decadent sex! The kind that starts out as love making and ends up becoming a fantabulous porno. Plus you get milll and freaking cookies!

Don’t trip and download Part Time Cooks newest single 

No Where But Up

http://www.mediafire.com/download/8fke2c8eg1ap9dc/Part+Time+Cooks+Nowhere+But+Up.mp3

Hit em up on FaceBook and Twitter

https://www.facebook.com/parttime.cooks?fref=ts

@parttimecooks

Do you remember the time....

  

   One of the most terrifying situations a young person can find themselves in, is their first sexual encounter. Because you're not exactly sure what goes where. Reminiscing on my the early days of my porn appreciation, which probably started when I was 12, I couldn't understand the concept of the missionary position. I couldn't fathom how it actually worked. Doggy style, girl on top and Beyonce's surfboard were all easy concepts to understand. From my 12 year old mind and from practicing on my pillow (no pillows were harm in my scientific experiment), I thought, "my 12 year old cock is way too short for missionary."

   My first sexual encounter (actual intercourse) was prom night, I was 18 years old and full of Zima wine coolers. I was tipsy. Maybe the operative word should be drunk. From...Zima...wine...coolers. Insert facepalm to my 18 year old self. Anyway, someone's parents decided that it was cool for a group of teenage kids to come to their house and chill after prom was over. Maybe it was apparent that his daughter had the hots for a young negro but I definitely was the only male in the house that got the "DON'T FUCK WITH MY DAUGHTER BECAUSE I GOT A SHOTGUN" speech. Or because by this point I was the only guy remaining in his house. That is beyond the point.

   Somehow we outlasted her parents. She put a condom in my hand and I followed her to the room. I was scared as fuck son! I think that I might have lied on my dick and told her that I'd had sex before. But I hadn't. And all I could think about was "please, sweet baby jesus, don't let me come fast and NO MISSIONARY! Amen and Amen." My skepticism about an all powerful god that watches over all of us began on that late night, early morning in April. The very thing I asked not to recieve I recieved it. FUCK!

   What I found was that my 18 year old penis had grown long enough to partake in some love on top aka missionary. I also found that the missionary position is a very weird position because you feel naked. Not the physically naked but a sort of vulnerability. This being my first time I wasn't really sure where to put my eyes. Should I look at her breast? Should I look down at the disappearing act that my penis did every time I entered her (not really sure if I should use the word entered)? That night was literally a sensory overload. I was scared but it felt good. It was the first time having sex and and the first time I was forced to look into someone else's eyes. I would later learn that the eyes tell a fascinating story. The eyebrows help tell that story as well. Because it's kinda hard to tell a person's expression if they don't have any eyebrows.

   You would think that 18 year old me would be more petrified of not performing like a porn star. To be fair that scared me as well. Not being big enough also scared me but looking into someone's eyes was I don't know...awkwardly good? Looking into someone's eyes can be intensely enjoyable as a 31 year old man. Now, I don't look away because I hope my eyes tell you something that I might be unwilling to divulge. I hope my eyes are inviting.

  

You're forgiven. Now dance!

What if The Council were to go out pissing on my neighbors gnomes as some type of fetish. You would deem me as a peculiar human being but would probably overlook it. Unless, of course, it was your gnome that I pissed on. Ok, What if I, The Council, were to piss or harm another human being without consent. I would be a social pariah and there would be almost nothing I could do to redeem myself. The phoenix won't be able to rise from this.

  Though The Council perceives himself to be a demigod of sorts, I am not a celebrity. Had I done any of those things above while possessing the power to make you shake your ass, then I might be forgiven. Take for example, Mr. 12 play himself, R. Kelly. The man literally pissed on an underage girl complete with statutory rape. Plenty of consenting adults would be grateful to have R. Kelly piss on them. Hell, I might let R. Kelly piss on me too for a life time supply of world peace. But all is forgiven because that mother fucker can sing his ass off! He had us all stepping in the name of love.

  

  Mr. Kelly was acquitted of the charges. Actually, every time I hear the songs World's Greatest and I Believe I Can Fly, sung by my elementary students, I cringe. What about a gentleman like Chris Brown? The guy beat the shit outta Rihanna! Still he makes choruses like, Look At Me Now, for those of us who were down and out and have come up in the world. Still he beat a bitch the fuck up! I would imagine that I look a bit suspect dancing to a dude that lost it on his girlfriend. But fuck, she loves/loved (you never know with those two) him so, hey, what do I know?

  Let's take a look at one of the most iconic figures in world history, Dr. Martin Luther the king! Yes! The King! The man who is undoubtedly the face of the civil rights era. Martin Luther the king was seen as a terrorist during his life. Given the racially and politically charged atmosphere of the time, one could see why mainstream society had labeled him as such. Looking back, the label wasn't nearly accurate. Today we see him,  and rightfully so, as a beacon of hope against the injustices around the world. 

  According to Michael Eric Dyson's book I May Not Get There With You and the FBI (thanks to wiretapping) we know more about Dr. Kings private life. We know that he is definitely a cheater. Had social media existed during that era, Dr. King might have been dismissed as an immoral bastard. And the legacy that lives today could have been a different story.

  Who gets a pass and who doesn't? Some would say that no sin is greater than the other. Clearly some "sins" are greater than the others. While each of these three men violated a social contract, there is definite hierarchy of sin. Pissing on underage girls also known as statutory rape and beating someone up are definitely far worse than cheating on your wife. I can forgive someone for cheating on me but rape and abuse are very hard to forgive. Not a fuck is given about what classic movies you've made or if you're the King of Rock (here's looking at you Woody Allen and or Elvis)! 

  

Common Fucking Decency

 By the time I started watching porn on the low women were beginning to shave their pubic hair into a landing strip. Still, there was always an occasional strangler that came complete with a party under her navel. It didn't gross me out, I just found it peculiar. By the time I became mature enough to masturbate (I assure you this blog isn't about masturbation) women were scorching the earth. There was nothing left! NOTHING!
  So then the guys of porn started to scorch their shit too! Everybody in porn was bald and moisturize.  I fell in love with the outer labia with all its meaty goodness. And suddenly the clitorus was no myth but a tangible biological entity that proved to be magically. Scorching the earth and HD porn gave rise to muscular veiny cocks. A cock makes it kinda weird when watching porn but it's a means to an end. The end being the all encompassing vagina. See, what I did there? NO? I don't wanna explain it, makes me sound like a perv.
  If you're like me you prefer amateur porn. All of the fuck faces you see are real and virtually no one is looking into the camera. Once I saw a kicking a dope ass rap while he was having sex. I thought it rather odd but everyone is entitled to their own fetish. I've come to like the poor lighting and dirty homes. What has trickled down from porn is that real women are shaving their pubic hair. I'm not insinuating that porn actors are not real but they are definitely acting. What has not trickled down to the sexually deviant or those brave enough to put out their sexual encounters are shaved man parts.
  Of course I'm noting watching porn to see if guys are shaving their junks. It is the least of my worries. But it does speak to the micro level of gender roles. During guys only meetings, which are always impromptu, men complain about women who don't shave. Yet, they don't shave themselves. Granted, hair in your eyes or hair in your throat can put a damper on oral pleasure. Such can be said about men and hairy ass nuts. HAHAHAHA! Hairy ass nuts in text looks hilarious.
  Outside of aesthetic measures, the real reason for shaving your shit is because it's common fucking courtesy. Oh, and it makes your penis look bigger. On a more serious note, you can't feel some type of way about unshaved women when you're unwilling to shave. The days of rigid gender roles are over. So get with it and shave your shit! Or at the very least trim it.

Takashi Murakami Superflat Art exhibit in Seoul

  Takashi Murakami is an contemporary artist that specializes in a style he coined superflat. Somehow, I envisioned women with nassatall (no ass at all). Superflat emcompasses high and low art, postwar Japanese culture and colors. Lot and lots of colors! Murakami designed the cover art for Kanye's graduation album. As the late great Seinfield would say, "What's the deal with rappers and Japanese artist." I suppose the same reason that designers Marc Jacobs and Louis Vuitton have acquired his distinct superflat style.  

  You can check out the exhibit Takashi in Superflat Wonderland until December 8, 2013 at the Plateau Museum of Art. The price is 5 bucks for adults and 4 for the chikadees. Although, you may not want them to see an exposed vagina being that autobot pussy (if you go you'll get the reference) is eye level with an eight year old kid.  I saw a few mothers putting the blinders over their children's eyes. To get there (the museum, not the vagina) take City Hall exit 8 and walk straight until you see the picture below.

  

Here are a few of his works.

And the visuals for Kanye's Good Morning video by Takashi Murakami.

  

Busan Immigration Office: picture by picture directions

   If you're like me, sometimes words are not good enough when taking direction. If you need to go to the Busan Immigration office here are pictures to help you find the way.  Remember walk out of exit 14 and keeping going straight. There will be no need to cross the main street which is to your left. The Immigration Office is in the same building as Korean Air. Hope this helps!

    If you see the above building across from you, you're going the correct way.

 

Questions on Beards

  While living in Korea I have been told by Korean nationals that I resemble any number of famous black men. Mostly people say that I look like Jay-Z. Since I am a Jay-Z dick rider, I don't find it too offensive. Ever so often I may get Magic Johnson, R. Kelly or Eddie Murphy. I wonder if they know that R. Kelly likes to piss on minors and Eddie Murphy is an undercover tranny lover. I would rather be caught with a transexual than have documented footage of me pissing on the underaged. If you say otherwise you sir...are a pedophile. And no there will be no "no homo" phrase for the aforementioned sentence.
  When I grow a full beard, Korean nationals and Westerns comment on my resemblance to the rapper Common. Although once a drunk British dude jubilantly shouted "ISAAC HAYES! IT'S FUCKING ISAAC HAYES!" On most Saturday nights in Busan the sober and the drunken (mostly drunken) hardly greet me with the socially acceptable, "Hello I'm_________." Instead the topic starter goes "I don't know if anyone has told you this buuuuuuuuuuut you look like Common." Proper greetings are always cool after which you can immediately follow it with a doppelgänger  reference.
  Bearded Reggie and Beardless Reggie gets various reactions. Westerners who have known me with and without a beard are indifferent. Or they are jealous because I've been able to go a beard since the 8th grade!!! Which isn't very beneficial if one is trying to ride public transportation. Imagine the transit cops going "Come on sir. You're not 14." People who have only known Bearded Reggie look at me with confusion when I show up as Beardless Reggie. As if I look vastly different. They always let out a slow laborious REEEGGGGIIEEEE.
  In Korea I've come to understand beards come with different perceptions than they do in Western culture. In Western culture a beard can signify wisdom, regality and strength. If we look at Hollywood movies a beard is sometimes worn by a villainous  mutha fucka. Unless you're the sexist grandpa alive, Sean Connery. I always feel compelled to ask a bearded man for advice when I make life decisions because he looks like a dude that knows shit. Even if it is wholly untrue, beards garner different perceptions. Unlike Korea, where I'm not sure what the perception is.
  My girlfriend is definitely not fucking with my beard. Like most Korean women I've dated, worked with or befriended, they all have urged me to shave the damn thing. They may be unaware that the source of my power comes from my beard. At least I tell myself that from a psychological standpoint. Still, Korean women don't really like beards. Case in point: I have been on the subway or the bus and I can hear a Korean man say in Korean "his beard looks cool". Then his significant other will say no it looks ugly. Whether through admiration or discrimination as it relates to my beard, I enjoy the fact that the couple decided against using their inside voice. Instead they opted for "fuck it, he probably can't speak Korean anyway."
  Their usage of an inside voice is not the point. The point is in the questions: Are beards a matter of personal preference or a cultural norm? Did the young lady say that to prove her love and devotion to her man? Is it the equivalent of one's significant other saying. "she's so pretty!" And you reply, "she's ok" to show your lover that you can't be a swayed by another person's beauty, who may or may not be hotter than your significant other? Does she prefer clean shaven men? And if so, is it due to men having to shave because of an overtly militarily run society?