Lost the Cup

Social Experiment #1

People of Color/POC

  One dynamic that people of color share (that includes people that are not ethnically European) is the tendency to collectively embrace a member of a particular ethnic group's accomplishments.  Contrary to popular belief, I didn't celebrate the inauguration of Barack Obama with chicken, beer, and watermelon. I celebrated it with chicken, watermelon and mascato wine. In the U.S. ethnic affiliation is necessary simply because people of color (POC) are the minority. Living vicariously through a member of a respective ethnic group gives POC a chance to see themselves in a positive light.

  There are also moment when POC excommunicate members of their respective ethnicity. I have, on numerous occasions, try to excommunicate Flava Flav, the D.C. sniper and Cliff Huxatable. The reason why? People know that society judges them by what they see in the media not by what the reality is. So instead of looking society in the eye and giving them a proverbial middle finger, we apologize to let society know “we are not all like that.” 

  In Korea, I often wonder what do people think of foreigners. Because of my sometimes unsavory experiences with Korean nationals, I’m more concerned with how Korean society views black people. I often wonder what Korean Nationals teach their children about race considering they live in a homogeneous society.  Do they look at black people as a group or as individuals? 

  This is part of a social experiment. I want to know from Korean people what you think of foreigners, mainly of African descent or dark skinned people. I also would like to know why Korean principals are reluctant to hire these same people as teachers (it probably has something to do with my grammatical errors).  From foreigners, I want to know how do you think you are perceived in Korean Culture and how do you perceive it.

The Council showers with dudes....

  I am not homophobic. I am not homophobic. I am not homophobic. I repeat...I am not homophobic. Over the last couple of weeks I have showered with men. Multiple men to be exact. This may come off as the introduction of an erotic novel in which I explain why I'm not gay but then I proceed to tell the tale of how I became involved with men. I assure you I absolutely love vagina AND this is not an erotic novel. It is a blog about my uneasiness about being naked around other men with the exception being the doctor, dad or death. That last sentence had a twinge of incest.
  When I first came to The Land of the Morning Calm (Korea), I thought for sure everyone man under the age of 25 was gay. Yes, I am aware that it's a shitty conclusion to come to and no I'm not apologizing for it. In the subway and prancing down every street was a man and his man bag. Hell for a brief moment I had a man bag until somebody gave me shit for it and nick named me RJ Murse(man bag/purse). In which case I quickly sold it to a metrosexual for free.  Can you imagine a generation of twenty something year old men dressed like Ellen Degeneres complete with a murse? Fast forward almost five years later and I realized that Korean men have only one thing in mind. That thing is the common denomiator for all men the world over. It's the reason why we put on clothes and refrain from holding our balls in public. It's the power of the p-u-s-s-y.
 

Sneeze n Slap

  This is certainly a blog post attacking ma fuckas that cough on me.  Only in the twilight zone is it perfectly acceptable to cough on another human being. One would think that with all the scientific advancements made in the last century, fuck that daily, people would do his fellow human being the courtesy of covering his/her mouth.  Somehow this common courtesy has alluded the great nationals of the Republic of Korea.
  I write this post while sick in a coffee shop. As a "social experiment" I am deliberately spewing my virus into the open air. My hypothesis being, if I cough without covering my mouth then no one will give a flying fuck. As I release my spores no one gives a flying fuck. Actually, the people here seem to be joining me, creating a kind of influenza orgy. You sick fucks! Why haven't any of you reprimanded my blatant offense. That's right I live in the twilight zone.

My sentiments exactly

  If you ever wonder why you're a walking petri dish year round just remember the countless times you've been sneezed on by your students. When I am sneezed on by my students, I lose my shit for the entire day. There is nothing anyone can say to convince me that my student didn't do that shit because he hates me.  They always have a sick smile on their face after sneezing in mine. I don't know which is worse being sneezed on or being pissed on. Both of which has happened to me.
  So I have a solution of the grandest kind. The next time a person sneezes on you, kindly wipe away the mucus, look them in their face with an understanding smile and then explain why you're going to slap them with the strength of a thousand pimps. I like to call it "sneeze n slap".  It has to be a slap and not a punch because people can't believe a ma fucka would have the audacity slap them. Besides the point is to promote awareness not an altercation (O.o). I have played this out in my mind a million times and every time I've reached an orgasm. My dear South Korean brothers and sisters please cover your mouths when you sneeze, cough, inhale and exhale. I just might slap fire from you!

Testicles: I wanna have kids...someday.

Ready for some speed bag action?

   Over the past few years, I've  had a steady dosage of being punched in the nuts. It's a wonder that my testicles are not completely mangled by now. The last time I checked (in the shower this morning) one still  hung lower than the other. In my adolescent years I was convinced that something was wrong with me until the sex ed teacher told us that its normal for one nut to hang a little low.
   I must make a confession. I haven't been very good to my identical twins. They have taken repeated beat downs over the past few years. I say to them, during masturbation (or sex...well not during sex they get kinda neglected except on my birthday) "just one more year and we will stop teaching kindergarten." And every year they stick or hang rather, with me. I don't know why they do BUT maybe it has something to do with them being attached.
   Someday I wanna have children of my own. The key word here is someday. Then I think about my own kids punching me in the nuts on accident or on purpose. The thought of that causes my testicles to shrivel up to the point where it looks like I have a giant clitoris. My students seem to have heat syncing accuracy when it comes to my balls. It is my belief that they take great pleasure in seeing me double over in pain. The pain seems to take over my torso and paralyzes me leaving only my vocal chords yelling incoherent curses upon their parents.
  So today will be the last day that I shall endure my testicles being a speed bag for five year olds training to become the next boxing champion of the world. I haven't been punched today but for old time sake, I will double over pain knowing it will be the last time. Well, until I have my own kids. FUCK!
UPDATE: So I didn't get punched in the nuts but my penis was punched a few times. I hope this doesn't sound perverted.

ONLY BLACK GOOD...you see dese rocks

Shake my hand like a man!Stop saying "yo, man!" 

   All I heard in Korean were the words: only, black and good.  In this sequence, the words appear to be in my favor in a kind of reverse racial preference. Hell, I'm the last person people want to hire. In Korea I'm near the bottom of the racial hierarchy with only ethnic Koreans from other countries and people blacker than my black ass below me. Even though I didn't understand the entire sentence, my suspicions were confirmed by the beet red uneasiness on the translator's face.

   So to give her an out and to relieve some of the redness from her face I translated what was said. "Oh, so he said...I'm the first black person he has ever hired so let's make this a good experience." The translator sunk lower into her seat and nervously laughed in true Korean national fashion (when shit gets uncomfortable).  Two things went on in my mind. What did he mean by his statement? Should I have taken it for face value or should I keep it real with this mutha fucka and tell him to judge me as a person and not what you've been told about me. I mean hell if I went on what I saw in the media about Korean proprietors in black and latino neighborhoods...wait scratch that. If I went on what I saw from Korean store owners in my neighborhood, I would hate all you mutha fuckas. Until I came to Korea and realized, oh shit, they aren't just racist but following you around until you buy something is actually part of the social fabric.

So did you decide?

   Almost every day I want Korean nationals to "see dese rocks." The stares, the snickers, the blatant disregard when I speak to them in Korean. I now know how Mexicans immigrants feel minus almost being denied basic necessities like running water or a working toilet. But that is only a minor difference or big, depending on one's perspective. Oh the sarcasm! I would love to keep it real when a Korean person looks at my fine ass Korean Canadian girlfriend and wonder what the hell is she doing with my black ass. Actually, I'm wondering the same thing but that is beside the point.

   The point if there ever was one is this: I just really wanted to cock back my rocks (Rocks being my testicles or fists you decide) and smash his face. But for what? So that I can get deported, when all I have to do is show him through my actions that I am first a human being and not some "over sensitive" black person. Now see those rocks!

Between Love and Love

I believe that marriage isn't between man and woman but between love and love - "We all try"
Frank Ocean

  Roughly two weeks ago, New York had it's first "legal" same - sex marriage ceremony. Yet, I couldn't help but wonder how it could have come to this? Who the fuck decided that heterosexual love is the only love worthy of marriage? Was it god or people who dictated that homosexual love was evil or unnecessary primarily because such unions produced no offspring? I contend that it was people and not god that has made it nearly impossible for gays and lesbians to be open about their sexual orientation.
   Had I been born in a different era or location, my views on homosexuality could possibly be extremely different than they are currently. While I can certainly understand the logic behind why our ancestors strictly prohibited masturbation and homosexuality, that doesn't mean they were correct in their assessment. It simply means that fashion was obviously a none issue during that period (Sorry for the gay stereotype)! I would like to just call them fucking idiots.
  Besides, what do you care? Personally, I find it flattering when a homosexual man finds me attractive. I don't need to prove my masculinity by using the phrase "no homo" as a goddamn punctuation mark. Currently, I'm sitting in a restaurant and the king of no homo, Lil Wayne, is playing on the radio. Wow, abrahamic religions created a world where expressing one's sexual preference is an absolute negative. Or god rather.
  Seems to me the only people that seem to care are those people that are wildly religious.  I mean, come on! Why do you seek to ban same sex marriage? Because it's evil, huh? Well, can you and I have used our energies to stop the genocides in Rwanda or Sri Lanka? Oh ok those ambitions are too lofty? Let's start by providing American people with proper health care! Yaahooo! No, still nothing, huh? I think the real question is not why you seek to eradicate homosexual love but which part of your respective religious text should we adhere to? Which part is allegory and which is literal?
   One thing that is perfectly clear is that god doesn't like homosexuality. In fact it is an abomination! God makes it seem as if homosexuality is not in the realm of redeemable sin. Damn is there a special place in hell for all fornicating homosexuals? Oh shit! They will go to hell with the same fuck holes that used god to justify slavery!YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
I leave you with Keith Olbermann, who like me is not gay but agrees with same sex marriage.
 "You're asked to stand on the question of love!" - Keith Olermann