Bright Baek: Art and Nightmares

You wanna hear a joke

  Once when I was 19 years old, my ex girlfriend's friend's boyfriend asked me if I'd like to hear a joke. Sure, I'm always up for a good laugh. Prior to the joke, the "comedian" had been a little apprehensive when speaking to me. His handshakes were neither firm nor crisp. He never looked me in the eye. EVER.  So after a night of drinking (I was drinking illegally) liquid courage was in full force. He and I talked about growing up and realized how much we had in common. He being white and I black, shared a kinship that poor Americans can readily identify with. We were under dogs that America swept under the rug because they didn't want us. There were hugs and laughter erupted uncontrollably and infused the apartment. Then he went on the realization that one's ethnicity shouldn't matter. At the time I agreed with him because ideally (key word being ideally) ethnicity shouldn't matter how you treat a fellow human being. Because to not see my ethnicity you undermine my experience as a person of color. So when he asked me if I wanted to hear a joke naturally I wanted to continue to connect and build camaraderie. I had no idea he would go "there".

"You want to hear a joke?"
"Yeah, what you got for. It better be funny."
"You know what the NAACP stands for?
I drunkenly responded, "The NCAA?"
"The NAACP!"
"Oh yeah, it stands for The National Association for the Advancement of Colored People."
"No it doesn't"
"Wait did I mixed the As up?"
"It stands for the Nigger Association for the Advancement of Crazy Policies."

  My 19 year old self was appalled and immediately withdrew from whatever he had to say. Everything we had built for that short span was vaporized and I'd wish he had continued to be allusive. As a 19 year old kid I was not sure what to even say. I knew it was racist but I didn't understand how to explain it to him without sounding like "that angry black guy". After that and a few mildly racist jokes told to me by white dudes over the years I have learned to just say no to jokes. Without fail a nondescript white guy in a bar wants to talk about race relation and then proceeds to tell a racist joke. There are always signs that the joke is going to racist. If said white guy has a smirk on his face or is looking around to see who is around to hear him, he is more than likely going to tell you a racist joke.

  When at a party, you want to stay way from drunk white dudes that are not your friends. These are the guys that are typically the racist joke soothsayers. The other night this guy says to me, I truly believe black people are genetically better at sports than other people. Never mind that they probably worked their asses off to get to the point of world class athlete. Never mind the socio-economic implication and some people of color. Sometimes sports are the only way out of their situation. Nope. Black people, especially black Americans are better equipped to play sports because of genetics. Let's just say this is true, slave owners bred Africans to be strong slaves. But you know, it's just a hypothetical.

  Ok so you need another example? I got you! Back in January I was at a bar in the wee hours of the morning. Myself and a group of white guys were all talking about dumb shit. This one guy asked if I wanted to hear a joke. I replied no thanks. To which he replied don't worry it's not about black people. Turns out it was racist towards asian people but he used all people of color as part of the joke. I let him know that I don't care if the joke is not directed toward black people, racist jokes are not cool. After I expressed my distaste for his style of comedy he in the word of Puffy Daddy "proceeded to give me what I need."

"Why don't black people like going into the water?"
"Man, what the fuck?!"
"You're not going to fool us with that again. Get it?! Slave ships and slaves."

I'm done white Jesus, take the wheel.
 

Danny Green

Danny Green

Behind the Scenes of what I can remember

I didn't take this Photo. Somebody gets the credit here________
Me, Joe with the red glasses, Saul Goode, Pistol Pete and if you squint Black Moss

  I told my co worker that I was going to a party slash video shoot last weekend. She looked at me as if to say "what the fuck does that entail?". She was right. What does that even mean? It's either a party or a video shoot. Or a video shoot that looks like a party but not really because nobody is drunk. Hell, I don't consider it a party until somebody purposely breaks shit. Not in a party foul kind of way but breaks shit with authority.

  

I had to go because for one, I was down the street from his house and two I have a man crush on the rapper Saul Goode a third of the rap trio (just in case you don't understand a third) Part Time Cooks. Ok, so maybe the reason is more of the latter. It was also a belated  birthday shindig for Saul that started at 12 in the afternoon. I don't know about you but I don't trust people that start parties around 12. Makes me feel like they are financially stable. As it relates to time, I'm stereotypically black. My black ass showed up six hours later because ain't nobody got time for 12 p.m. starts.

I took this picture.

I walked in to a portrait of a pink, four eyed Lebron James. The creepy thing wasn't that he was pink or that he seemed to be hiding behind the air conditioner. But that whoever drew him gave an accurate depiction of his hairline. Damn Lebron! Just go ahead and join the bald headed club why dontcha! Still the scene at Saul's apartment was way to clean for there to have been a party. Then I walked upstairs to the turn up.  I knew it was turnt because my homegirl was passed out on the bed. When I went to say hi she gave me the fingers. I think she might have mumbled turn up as well. Not exactly sure though.

I walked out onto the rooftop and I met the second third of Part Time Cooks, Black Moss. He is probably the one dude outside of the rapper Common that vaguely looks like me. Black Moss introduced himself to me as Blessing. Which went something like this:

"What's up brotha, I'm Reggie."

"How are you? Oh yeah, I think we've met before. Blessing, Blessing." 

I wasn't sure if he was greeting me or telling me his name. I don't think of myself as a blessing to people but he definitely boosted my self-esteem. It didn't help that he was cooler than E Mutha Fucka. Later on someone asked if I had seen Blessing and I turned to a white guy (who had also heard the question and whose name was actually Guy) and asked if he was Blessing.

It was a full fledged roof top party complete with  DJ Scotty Seoul and people dressed in green. It must have been St. Patrick's day or I was kinda drunk. The Final third of Part Time Cooks was Joe Rollins climbing up a ladder to help the director of the video Jake Hanus. The crowd on the roof gasp and he let out an "oh shit!" as he almost fell off the ladder. Let's just say if he would have fell he would have died really bad. 

  

After a couple of hours I found myself standing in front of the camera next to Saul Goode rapping backwards and pouring out what in my mind was champaign. You know, for the dead homies and to relive a 90's rap video. Joe Rollins the man that cheated death, was taking off his clothes behind us. It wasn't an Atlanta strip club but hell, it was cool for the video. The next thing I know Saul was lost in the crowd of people behind him. While shirts, hats and Korean money (bills and coins) were flying around. It was chaos and it hurt.

At the end of the night wind blew a ten thousand dollar camera light and broke while an Australian kid was getting his hair buzzed and just random shit that didn't make sense. 

By the way Saul, if you or your roommate is reading this, What the fuck is Propofol? Isn't that the shit that killed the leader of the Jackson Five? And why is it censoring Japanese anime? I'm all about pixelation. 

Cooking at Somos

Cooking at Somos

Part Time Cooks at Somos

  Have you ever been to a hip hop show where they served the audience milk and cookies? Well established rappers are not serving you food no matter how much money you spent on tickets to see them. Shit you’re not getting gum let alone a tasty snack while you throw your mutha fuckin hands in the air. The collective known as Part Time Cooks are not only superb lyricists but they are mind readers. They know what makes the audience vibe and that you really want to partake in a childhood delicacy like milk and cookies.

Not only am I dry snitching, i'm lat on this blog!

  Despite the fact that I’m dry snitching on myself, I was happy to finally put my boy Zach onto something hella dope.  Because Zach by the way, is like a walking encyclopedia on shit that you should be and will be listening to. It’s like showing a god how to make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. “ Oh, you ain't up peanut butter and jelly? Let me put you on game you all powerful being.” 

  

  There are a lot of Korean nationals that fancy I look like a famous black man. Obama (I’m not nearly as good looking), Usher (if only I had a hit like Yeah) and Black Moss. To be perfectly honest we do kinda look similar. I mean we both are around the same height. We both have little to no hair and we both have massive beards. One can only imagine how many people before and after the show were coming up to me like, dude you were so dope! I died a little bit inside because I couldn’t take the credit for being an excellent rhyme smith.

  

  The thing that stood out to me was how in sync the part time cooks were. They each owned their roles. Similar to a big three in basketball. They each could be LeBron or Wade or Bosh when need be. Not one of them overstepped their boundary. Even when Saul Goode, the shortest out of the group is standing on a chair leading the audience into a smooth melodic tune. Which leads us to their single No Where But Up. 

  

  The melody is so good I would love to have sex to it. I’m not even sure if people still have sex to music. Someone on twitter said no one does. The problem is I was raised on hip hop and my ear is tuned into listening to lyrics. I can’t help it! What I look like hitting it doggy style and singing every syllable to Black Moss or Saul’s verse. I would climax while singing Joe Rollins hook “But I’m so dooownnnnn.” But it would be in the literal sense because in fact I came. Indeed I have related Part Time Cooks to sex. But not any kind a sex. Beautiful decadent sex! The kind that starts out as love making and ends up becoming a fantabulous porno. Plus you get milll and freaking cookies!

Don’t trip and download Part Time Cooks newest single 

No Where But Up

http://www.mediafire.com/download/8fke2c8eg1ap9dc/Part+Time+Cooks+Nowhere+But+Up.mp3

Hit em up on FaceBook and Twitter

https://www.facebook.com/parttime.cooks?fref=ts

@parttimecooks

Do you remember the time....

  

   One of the most terrifying situations a young person can find themselves in, is their first sexual encounter. Because you're not exactly sure what goes where. Reminiscing on my the early days of my porn appreciation, which probably started when I was 12, I couldn't understand the concept of the missionary position. I couldn't fathom how it actually worked. Doggy style, girl on top and Beyonce's surfboard were all easy concepts to understand. From my 12 year old mind and from practicing on my pillow (no pillows were harm in my scientific experiment), I thought, "my 12 year old cock is way too short for missionary."

   My first sexual encounter (actual intercourse) was prom night, I was 18 years old and full of Zima wine coolers. I was tipsy. Maybe the operative word should be drunk. From...Zima...wine...coolers. Insert facepalm to my 18 year old self. Anyway, someone's parents decided that it was cool for a group of teenage kids to come to their house and chill after prom was over. Maybe it was apparent that his daughter had the hots for a young negro but I definitely was the only male in the house that got the "DON'T FUCK WITH MY DAUGHTER BECAUSE I GOT A SHOTGUN" speech. Or because by this point I was the only guy remaining in his house. That is beyond the point.

   Somehow we outlasted her parents. She put a condom in my hand and I followed her to the room. I was scared as fuck son! I think that I might have lied on my dick and told her that I'd had sex before. But I hadn't. And all I could think about was "please, sweet baby jesus, don't let me come fast and NO MISSIONARY! Amen and Amen." My skepticism about an all powerful god that watches over all of us began on that late night, early morning in April. The very thing I asked not to recieve I recieved it. FUCK!

   What I found was that my 18 year old penis had grown long enough to partake in some love on top aka missionary. I also found that the missionary position is a very weird position because you feel naked. Not the physically naked but a sort of vulnerability. This being my first time I wasn't really sure where to put my eyes. Should I look at her breast? Should I look down at the disappearing act that my penis did every time I entered her (not really sure if I should use the word entered)? That night was literally a sensory overload. I was scared but it felt good. It was the first time having sex and and the first time I was forced to look into someone else's eyes. I would later learn that the eyes tell a fascinating story. The eyebrows help tell that story as well. Because it's kinda hard to tell a person's expression if they don't have any eyebrows.

   You would think that 18 year old me would be more petrified of not performing like a porn star. To be fair that scared me as well. Not being big enough also scared me but looking into someone's eyes was I don't know...awkwardly good? Looking into someone's eyes can be intensely enjoyable as a 31 year old man. Now, I don't look away because I hope my eyes tell you something that I might be unwilling to divulge. I hope my eyes are inviting.

  

You're forgiven. Now dance!

What if The Council were to go out pissing on my neighbors gnomes as some type of fetish. You would deem me as a peculiar human being but would probably overlook it. Unless, of course, it was your gnome that I pissed on. Ok, What if I, The Council, were to piss or harm another human being without consent. I would be a social pariah and there would be almost nothing I could do to redeem myself. The phoenix won't be able to rise from this.

  Though The Council perceives himself to be a demigod of sorts, I am not a celebrity. Had I done any of those things above while possessing the power to make you shake your ass, then I might be forgiven. Take for example, Mr. 12 play himself, R. Kelly. The man literally pissed on an underage girl complete with statutory rape. Plenty of consenting adults would be grateful to have R. Kelly piss on them. Hell, I might let R. Kelly piss on me too for a life time supply of world peace. But all is forgiven because that mother fucker can sing his ass off! He had us all stepping in the name of love.

  

  Mr. Kelly was acquitted of the charges. Actually, every time I hear the songs World's Greatest and I Believe I Can Fly, sung by my elementary students, I cringe. What about a gentleman like Chris Brown? The guy beat the shit outta Rihanna! Still he makes choruses like, Look At Me Now, for those of us who were down and out and have come up in the world. Still he beat a bitch the fuck up! I would imagine that I look a bit suspect dancing to a dude that lost it on his girlfriend. But fuck, she loves/loved (you never know with those two) him so, hey, what do I know?

  Let's take a look at one of the most iconic figures in world history, Dr. Martin Luther the king! Yes! The King! The man who is undoubtedly the face of the civil rights era. Martin Luther the king was seen as a terrorist during his life. Given the racially and politically charged atmosphere of the time, one could see why mainstream society had labeled him as such. Looking back, the label wasn't nearly accurate. Today we see him,  and rightfully so, as a beacon of hope against the injustices around the world. 

  According to Michael Eric Dyson's book I May Not Get There With You and the FBI (thanks to wiretapping) we know more about Dr. Kings private life. We know that he is definitely a cheater. Had social media existed during that era, Dr. King might have been dismissed as an immoral bastard. And the legacy that lives today could have been a different story.

  Who gets a pass and who doesn't? Some would say that no sin is greater than the other. Clearly some "sins" are greater than the others. While each of these three men violated a social contract, there is definite hierarchy of sin. Pissing on underage girls also known as statutory rape and beating someone up are definitely far worse than cheating on your wife. I can forgive someone for cheating on me but rape and abuse are very hard to forgive. Not a fuck is given about what classic movies you've made or if you're the King of Rock (here's looking at you Woody Allen and or Elvis)! 

  

Common Fucking Decency

 By the time I started watching porn on the low women were beginning to shave their pubic hair into a landing strip. Still, there was always an occasional strangler that came complete with a party under her navel. It didn't gross me out, I just found it peculiar. By the time I became mature enough to masturbate (I assure you this blog isn't about masturbation) women were scorching the earth. There was nothing left! NOTHING!
  So then the guys of porn started to scorch their shit too! Everybody in porn was bald and moisturize.  I fell in love with the outer labia with all its meaty goodness. And suddenly the clitorus was no myth but a tangible biological entity that proved to be magically. Scorching the earth and HD porn gave rise to muscular veiny cocks. A cock makes it kinda weird when watching porn but it's a means to an end. The end being the all encompassing vagina. See, what I did there? NO? I don't wanna explain it, makes me sound like a perv.
  If you're like me you prefer amateur porn. All of the fuck faces you see are real and virtually no one is looking into the camera. Once I saw a kicking a dope ass rap while he was having sex. I thought it rather odd but everyone is entitled to their own fetish. I've come to like the poor lighting and dirty homes. What has trickled down from porn is that real women are shaving their pubic hair. I'm not insinuating that porn actors are not real but they are definitely acting. What has not trickled down to the sexually deviant or those brave enough to put out their sexual encounters are shaved man parts.
  Of course I'm noting watching porn to see if guys are shaving their junks. It is the least of my worries. But it does speak to the micro level of gender roles. During guys only meetings, which are always impromptu, men complain about women who don't shave. Yet, they don't shave themselves. Granted, hair in your eyes or hair in your throat can put a damper on oral pleasure. Such can be said about men and hairy ass nuts. HAHAHAHA! Hairy ass nuts in text looks hilarious.
  Outside of aesthetic measures, the real reason for shaving your shit is because it's common fucking courtesy. Oh, and it makes your penis look bigger. On a more serious note, you can't feel some type of way about unshaved women when you're unwilling to shave. The days of rigid gender roles are over. So get with it and shave your shit! Or at the very least trim it.

Takashi Murakami Superflat Art exhibit in Seoul

  Takashi Murakami is an contemporary artist that specializes in a style he coined superflat. Somehow, I envisioned women with nassatall (no ass at all). Superflat emcompasses high and low art, postwar Japanese culture and colors. Lot and lots of colors! Murakami designed the cover art for Kanye's graduation album. As the late great Seinfield would say, "What's the deal with rappers and Japanese artist." I suppose the same reason that designers Marc Jacobs and Louis Vuitton have acquired his distinct superflat style.  

  You can check out the exhibit Takashi in Superflat Wonderland until December 8, 2013 at the Plateau Museum of Art. The price is 5 bucks for adults and 4 for the chikadees. Although, you may not want them to see an exposed vagina being that autobot pussy (if you go you'll get the reference) is eye level with an eight year old kid.  I saw a few mothers putting the blinders over their children's eyes. To get there (the museum, not the vagina) take City Hall exit 8 and walk straight until you see the picture below.

  

Here are a few of his works.

And the visuals for Kanye's Good Morning video by Takashi Murakami.

  

Busan Immigration Office: picture by picture directions

   If you're like me, sometimes words are not good enough when taking direction. If you need to go to the Busan Immigration office here are pictures to help you find the way.  Remember walk out of exit 14 and keeping going straight. There will be no need to cross the main street which is to your left. The Immigration Office is in the same building as Korean Air. Hope this helps!

    If you see the above building across from you, you're going the correct way.

 

Questions on Beards

  While living in Korea I have been told by Korean nationals that I resemble any number of famous black men. Mostly people say that I look like Jay-Z. Since I am a Jay-Z dick rider, I don't find it too offensive. Ever so often I may get Magic Johnson, R. Kelly or Eddie Murphy. I wonder if they know that R. Kelly likes to piss on minors and Eddie Murphy is an undercover tranny lover. I would rather be caught with a transexual than have documented footage of me pissing on the underaged. If you say otherwise you sir...are a pedophile. And no there will be no "no homo" phrase for the aforementioned sentence.
  When I grow a full beard, Korean nationals and Westerns comment on my resemblance to the rapper Common. Although once a drunk British dude jubilantly shouted "ISAAC HAYES! IT'S FUCKING ISAAC HAYES!" On most Saturday nights in Busan the sober and the drunken (mostly drunken) hardly greet me with the socially acceptable, "Hello I'm_________." Instead the topic starter goes "I don't know if anyone has told you this buuuuuuuuuuut you look like Common." Proper greetings are always cool after which you can immediately follow it with a doppelgänger  reference.
  Bearded Reggie and Beardless Reggie gets various reactions. Westerners who have known me with and without a beard are indifferent. Or they are jealous because I've been able to go a beard since the 8th grade!!! Which isn't very beneficial if one is trying to ride public transportation. Imagine the transit cops going "Come on sir. You're not 14." People who have only known Bearded Reggie look at me with confusion when I show up as Beardless Reggie. As if I look vastly different. They always let out a slow laborious REEEGGGGIIEEEE.
  In Korea I've come to understand beards come with different perceptions than they do in Western culture. In Western culture a beard can signify wisdom, regality and strength. If we look at Hollywood movies a beard is sometimes worn by a villainous  mutha fucka. Unless you're the sexist grandpa alive, Sean Connery. I always feel compelled to ask a bearded man for advice when I make life decisions because he looks like a dude that knows shit. Even if it is wholly untrue, beards garner different perceptions. Unlike Korea, where I'm not sure what the perception is.
  My girlfriend is definitely not fucking with my beard. Like most Korean women I've dated, worked with or befriended, they all have urged me to shave the damn thing. They may be unaware that the source of my power comes from my beard. At least I tell myself that from a psychological standpoint. Still, Korean women don't really like beards. Case in point: I have been on the subway or the bus and I can hear a Korean man say in Korean "his beard looks cool". Then his significant other will say no it looks ugly. Whether through admiration or discrimination as it relates to my beard, I enjoy the fact that the couple decided against using their inside voice. Instead they opted for "fuck it, he probably can't speak Korean anyway."
  Their usage of an inside voice is not the point. The point is in the questions: Are beards a matter of personal preference or a cultural norm? Did the young lady say that to prove her love and devotion to her man? Is it the equivalent of one's significant other saying. "she's so pretty!" And you reply, "she's ok" to show your lover that you can't be a swayed by another person's beauty, who may or may not be hotter than your significant other? Does she prefer clean shaven men? And if so, is it due to men having to shave because of an overtly militarily run society?

Free throws and chicken

  The most awesome thing about living in Korea is that I can unabashedly enjoy chicken and watermelon in public
without the fear of being stereotyped. There is literally a chicken spot on every corner. It is in effect, a black man's heaven. Please don't get me started on Korea's love for watermelon either. Because it rivals the black man's love. It's not because I'm genetically pre determined to love chicken but because I genuinely love a fried flightless bird. Besides, who the fucked decided to pin a food that humanity largely consumes on Black Americans. It would be both pathetic and awesome if food producers breed chicken for the sole purpose of black consumption.
  But you can't elude racial stereotypes all the time. Back in April I was in Seoul looking for a Brooklyn Nets hat. Not because Brooklyn is my favorite team but because I'm a Jay-Z dick rider. Honestly, if Jay made a vile of diamond encrusted baby piss fashionable, I can't say that I wouldn't consider doing it as well. So as I'm walking to the NBA store there is a crowd of people outside shooting free throws for NBA merchandise. My girlfriend, MK Ultra, turns to me and asked if I wanted to shoot.
  There was a part of me that really wanted to shoot the damn free throws. An overwhelming part of me didn't want to shoot because I'm a poor free throw shooter. Internally, I had likened it to eating chicken publicly. Had I been in America, I would have shot the ball without any preconceived ideas about my ethnicity and basketball. Let's venture for a moment into the outcome of both making or missing the free throws that will somehow judge the worth of an entire race.
  Had I made the free throw, then it will have been expected. "Oh, he's black he should have made it. Black people are good at basketball." It would have been dismissed as a normality without taking into account that I'm a poor free throw shooter. If I had missed the free throw then it would have been a shock. Missing the free throw would have been seen as an anomaly. You may be surprised but when I tell Koreans that I can't dunk or dance they look at me with disbelief followed by the phrase "try it".

  So, I didn't shoot the fucking free throws. My decision not to may have something to do with being Black American. To be more specific it may have everything to do with being an ethnic minority in America. In the U.S. I took care on how I was/am racially perceived. And in Korea, I'm still a minority. I have to be aware of how my actions are perceived as a U.S. national as well as a black person. When you are a minority, sometimes something as trivial as shooting free throws can be unnerving.
  Minorities in the U.S. charge the white majority with not being able to fully understand some of the hardships or insensitivity they face. Until one has become the minority can one begin to understand (i.e. religious affiliation, sexual preference and living abroad). While living abroad, I have heard white Americans say aloud "damn, now they are going to think we're all like that" or "I hate when white people do stupid shit in Korea." As a minority living in both America and Korea, I understand their frustration.  I would hope that white americans would take this experience back to the West.
  But there is still another avenue yet to be explored. Perhaps, if I had shot the fucking free throws and missed (as I probably would have) not a single fuck would have been given. Perhaps, nothing would have been concluded about me regarding my ethnicity. Perhaps, I would have been that dude that shot and missed so badly that the ball hit a lady in the eye. Perhaps...

Obama Teacher

In 2008 and 2012, the United States elected then reelected it’s first Black American president. Having lived in Korea before President Obama’s global prominence, black people were ethnically identified by Koreans without regards to the complexity of the African Diaspora, as simply African. After the election, black men were simply, Obama. Hell, even my Mexican American homie has been called Obama on the regular. He definitely doesn’t resemble President Obama.
The problem many westerners have in Korea is not being able to tell the difference between ignorance and outright racism. To be honest the line can be moved, blurred or nonexistent. Being called the most famous black man in the world or being called Flava Flav is a no brainer as to which to take offense to. Brad Pitt or Robert Downey Jr? Well, I guess Robert DowneyJr., isn’t such a fuck up anymore. Pointing at a Korean man and calling him Kim Jung IL is indeed racist. Even if he does look like Mr. Kim, it is an unsavory observation.
I contend that Korea has some serious racial undertones but not on the scale of apartheid South Africa or the U.S. during the Civil Rights era. There are unmistakeable instances of “live and direct” racism. While some may point out that Korea is just highly Xenophobic, this brand of Xenophobia errors on the side of racism. Take for example, what I affectionately call the racial totem pole for foreigners. Foreigners all experience overt or covert forms of racism. In Korea, no one is excluded. The racial hierarchy in Korea has white people first, then all other westerners and rich nations, then at the bottom are people from poor asian countries and poor african countries. Even within the totem pole there is a totem pole.
It is way too easy to have a “damn, that was racist” moment in Korea or anywhere in the world for that matter. Back in 2009 an Indian man, Bonojit Hussain, was verbally assaulted by a Korean bus driver. The driver went on to ask Hussain’s Korean female acquaintance “how does if feel to date a black bastard?” When they decided that they had had enough of his vitriol language they stopped the bus to report him to the authorities. Upon filing the complaint the police told him there is no racial discrimination in Korea. 
Korea isn’t exactly going to the Hang River for a “picnic” and ending the evening with hanging a foreigner from the light post either. I’d liken Koreans to that of any indigenous people that saw white people for the first time. I can imagine that some people probably worshipped them, some were frightened and some just wanted to know  what the fuck are they? On some accounts, the racism in Korea is comical. When I’m greeted with a mechanical “yo, wassup man”, Koreans look as if their brain is malfunctioning when I simply reply, “hello, how are you?” I suppose by me being black American I should indulge them with a caricature of blackness.  
On the basketball courts throughout Samsung country, Korean men innocently make the statement that black men are naturally great players. They have not been exposed to the reality. Black men that are great at any sport are great because they practice every single day. For some it is a way to escape economic hardship. I assure you there is no “basketball gene” that allows black men to leap out of the gym in a single bound. Hell if they are misguided about genetics and physical ability I’d be frightened about their thoughts on genetics and intellects. But my all time favorite is when someone replies, “you’re nothing like what I see on T.V.” Need I say more? Instead of getting angry and bashing old men with one’s rocks, foreigners should take the time to educate by an explanation or through actions when possible.
While adults are usually better equipped to handle the harshness of racism, biracial children are not. Children of biracial families have a difficult time dealing with a hostile environment. In May, a teen who had a Korean father and Russian mother was indicted on 11 counts of arson. The boy’s father was killed in a car accident in Moscow and was abandoned by his mother. The boys paternal grandparents brought he and his brother to Korea. According to the 17 year old, in the eyes of Korean students he was neither Russian nor Korean and was bullied with physical or verbal. The teen stated “when I look at the fires I feel good and my anger goes away.” Sure arson shouldn’t be condoned but couple his daily dose of racism with the recent death of his grandmother, one can see why the teen is retaliating.
The question isn’t whether of not Korea is racist because of it’s perceived ethnic homogeneity. The more accurate question is how will Korea combat racism as it continues to develop socially. In the west overt racism is taken so seriously that anyone accused of racism can lead to a loss of business, the lost of a job and being socially ostracized. Today multi ethnic children are not considered Korean by society. Even though they culturally identify as Korean. Korea must learn from the bloody civil rights era in the U.S. and take the painful necessary steps to incorporate multi ethnic people into society. If not, the social climate will be a fiery one in the coming decades.

 

Shitty kids in context.

 

  A few weeks ago, a student asked me a simple question about my anatomy? "Teacher, you are a man, yes?" When a student has to seek confirmation of my sex, the likelihood of it being a positive interaction isn't promising. So, I reluctantly answered yes. You know, in a way that says: I have no clue to where this conversation might travel. And you are fucking scaring me. With the confidence of a man who had recently had sex and the syntax of the all wise Yoda, he looked at me with a smile and said, "So, dick you have?"

"Do I have a dick?"

"Yes, teacher. Man you are and dick you have?"

    The entire time he had a stupid ass grin on his face. The grin let me know that he had learned it and knew exactly what it meant. On a scale of worse things a student can say/do it ranks pretty high. It wasn't like the empty fuck you's that Korean kids learn from watching Hollywood movies. Those curse words are essentially directed at no on in particular. They come out of their mouths and disappear like a vapor into the noise of the living. I politely asked him to never say that word again in my classroom and he never did. Later he will find ways to use the word dick but I am not going to be an enabler.

    But I have to admit. I let a curse word slide once. Well, in a way I did. One shitty ass student was teasing another student about his sister. The shitty kid is a little bigger than the kid being teased. The teased kid is the kind a student any teacher would love to have. The shitty kid is pretty cool too. He is just, well...shitty for insulting a man's sister. Finally, amongst other things that sounded more weird than insulting, the bully said, I'm gonna eat out your sister. The kid turned around, looked him in his eyed let out slow meaningful "Fuck...you."
  Of course I had reprimand them both but damn, that's awesome context.

Why I don't date black women...

Keshia Knight Pulliam aka Rudy Huxtable

  A few nights ago my girlfriend asked me, "Why don't you date black women?" Seeming how my top three dream girls are Gabrielle Union, Rudy from the Cosby show (no one ever really remembers her real name) and Sanaa Lathan it is a wonder why I am not dating black women that look similar to the three of them. It has been a question that has lingered throughout my adult life. Some going as far as saying, "You look like you would date a white girl." I'm not even sure what that means exactly.
  What I am not is a self hating black man that would lump all black women together under one all encompassing stereotype. You will never ever hear me spew such vitriol phrases like "All black women are domineering." Or, "All black women want is a nigga with money!" Um...hold on. I have two question. Who the fuck are you dating?  Let's not confuse a demand for respect with domineering. I have gotten out of line with my current girlfriend and women of other races and they quickly checked my black ass.
  Secondly, if a black woman is looking for someone in or near her socio-economic level she is somehow a gold digging bitch? Sorry black men but I refuse to leap onto the "why I don't date black women" bandwagon. It is one matter to have a preference but another altogether vicious matter to slander black women because of your experiences. Please, send me the memo when we revert to biblical times when women are seen as property. Which leads me to why I don't date black women.

Gabrielle Union

  According to a study conducted by the Washington Post and Kaiser Family Foundation, black women (followed by a close second among black men) are the most spiritual people in America. Researchers say that among black women 74 percent said that, "living a religious life" is very important. In times of despair, 87 percent of black women look to their faith to get them through. If you know me or have read my blogs you know that I'm an atheist and therein lies the problem.
  I have gone on dates with religious black women that refuse to date me any further because I am an atheist. It goes a little something like this. The check up call that all girls get from their friend goes well. During the course of the evening the young lady will ask what church do I attend. When I tell them that I'm atheist they are immediately withdrawn for the duration of the evening. For good measure the young lady might ask, "Did you say you were atheist? Oh, but you're so nice. I assumed you were Christian." Then I reply, "Just because I'm atheist doesn't mean that I can treat people with indecency." By this point they are visibly confused.
 Once a girl I was dating asked me to go to church with her. Of course I said no thanks and gave her my reasoning. She called me a gentlemen before the question and the devil afterwards. No really, she called me the devil. I wasn't offended because, well, I don't believe in the devil. Can't be angry with something I don't believe in.

Sanaa Lathan

  Christian talk about being equally yoked and to be honest it sounds like a really delicious omelet. One's significant other must be similar in someways in order for a relationship to develop into something meaningful. I can't date someone who is religious. Especially if they prescribe to any of the Abrahamic religions. While I can have friends who are religious, dating someone is entirely different. If it leads to marriage and children, I would like for my children to decide whether they want to be religious. They have plenty of other societal norms that they will be indoctrinated into but religion should not be one of them.
  Statistically speaking, Blacks, Latinos and Arabs are not within the favorable percentages of dating possibilities because culturally, they are all highly religious. The most important reason I don't date black women is because I have a wonderful atheist girlfriend that I love dearly. Thus, rendering me ineligible. Shout out to Michelle Kang!

I found a blog where black men gave reasons to why they don't date black women. Some interesting and some were just outright hurtful. Of course the views expressed are not the authors.
 

Pipe em down

  I think his name was Jake, although I'm not sure. I could be coming off a tad bit racist by giving him a supposed white name. I would be a little offended if someone were to call me a stereotypical black name like Tyrone, Jamal or the all encompassing Reggie. Nonetheless, I think that's what he told me to call him. I don't know what I expected him to be. Being perfectly frank, I thought he would be the king of all that sucks ass during Ole 55's Wednesday open mic night.

 "Hey, Jake! You wanna play something?"

"My god," I thought. "Mr. Peppermint's love child with Joaquin Phoenix lives in Busan, South Korea?" Jake turned around with a beer in one hand and a fucking bagpipe in the other. I had had enough of performers playing weird instruments. Earlier in the night, a guy was playing the banjo. I had never seen a real person play the banjo and I was about to witness a man playing the fucking bagpipes. I thought the bagpipes were a thing of lore, prescribed to leprechauns and Scottish blokes. I couldn't leave the bar because this was going to be a night that ended with pure comedy and I wanted in.
  There were a splattering of women in the bar but it was clearly hot, sweaty and cock to cock.  He appeared on stage with his shirt opened exposing a wicked sweet tattoo. He wore some obnoxiously high cut off pants. Although, I saw him a few weeks later at a bar in what looked to be his underwear. He tilted his sand speckled hat right above the only other visible part of his face, his eyes. Then he began to play.
  I really wanted to laugh at Jake who looked like a mixture of Jay and Silent Bob. I silently wanted to see him fail. Silently because as a comedian, I know how hard it is to get up on stage and perform for assholes. I would have loved to live vicariously through a douche bag yelling "Is this taint really playing the bagpipes?" I didn't want to like anything new nor did I want to appreciate a young Gandalf The Grey playing great music via bagpipes. He truly made me eat my shit. Two milky handfuls of my own shit. Contrarily, I appreciated it too.
  What I had not equated to the equation was the amount of chicks he had rocking to his rendition of Scotland the Brave. Dave Chappelle (click the link) had one thing wrong. White people not only go crazy over the guitar but apparently the bagpipes as well. Suddenly the sweet scent of pussy was everywhere! This man had single handedly gotten himself sexed and other guys as well. His tattoo swelled every time he blew a note. His sweat drained off him like a fat man having sex.  Hell, Jake played like a man fucking his instrument. And when he was done, we all reached a musical climax with him.
  The beauty of Jake is the beauty of being a foreigner in Korea. We are the truly eclectic part from the West. We are the weird, the crazed, the derelicts and sometimes the irreligious. At least thats what some may think of us for living in a land unlike our own. But above all else we are the brave. Not because we left whatever city or province we come from but because we are unafraid to share our experiences or our talent with others. Though I have never spoken to him after that night at Ole 55, I want to thank you Jake for reminding me why we are epic.

Embrace that ass

not the ass I'm talking about

  I have a confession to make. I'm in love with big legged women. At present, I'm dating a big legged Asian woman. I'm aware that this may indeed sound like an oxymoron. If I was at liberty to show you pictures you would undoubtedly agree. If you follow my blog as a regular or from a afar you know that I'm black American. In which case my opening monologue will be but a mere stereotype that is probably true.  
  I can not tell you where the black man's lust for big legged women originated. I can only tell you that this lust has evaded both socioeconomic and generational gaps within the black community. In fact, it is the glue that holds the black community together. Well, the last statement may definitely be untrue. 
  I will not try to to come up with a cleaver transition into my declaration. Such carnal statements just need to be said. Korean women SHOW DAT ASS. Just in case the Korean government is reading this, I do not mean this in a literal sense. Unless, of course, my Korean sisters feel that they should. What I mean is these days, I’m beginning to see more Korean women with nice butts. Not in a video vixen, pawg kinda way but in a “I see you girl” kinda way.
  Personally, Korean women with round booties need to embrace them. Korean girls with thick thighs should embrace them as well. It’s becoming a little old seeing women wear baggy clothes or sweaters in the summer. Who the hell are you fooling. As a guy that unabashedly gets through life by looking, (sometimes following that ass for blocks), I appreciate a nice figure. The last sentence sounded a bit stalkerish. My point is that my Korean sisters should be proud of that phat ass.
  Case in point: I have a co worker at my job that wears long shirts and sweaters in the blistering fucking heat. One day she decided to wear a skirt and a short sleeved shirt. I was like “Damn (insert name here) that ass is nice.” Of course I didn’t relay my delight to her but maybe she could see me glancing at it. Which is probably the reason she went immediately back to wearing Eskimo gear. We live on the fucking beach though!

  At any rate, like with any movement it must start from within that particular culture. No matter how fond I am of dat ass, as a man, I’m just that, a man.  Women or any group that faces inequality do not need someone from the dominate group to tell them how they should advance the culture. What the dominate group must do is understand and help when it is wanted. But damn Korean sisters, I sure do wish you would put those sweaters away in the summer.